Guess what?

I’m only friggin autistic!! Whoop!! Formally known as Aspergers.


I knew it, have done since the realisation truck hit me late last year.

I’ve finally found my tribe!!!!

Since leaving the diagnostic centre I have felt awash with a wave of calm. My shoulders sure feel lighter too!

Now comes the tricky stage – self-acceptance. My default has always been one of self-critique and loathing. Always setting unrealistic and unobtainable goals.

I don’t know what to do with regards to my mindset of my life being one based on imposter theory.

What I need, and could do with, is a month or two off work, so as I can process everything, to readjust and realign.

I’m currently attending Autscape and it’s now the early hours of the morning. What am incredibly liberating, and exciting introduction to the autism community. I’m loving it. Everyone’s just like me, or should I say, I’m just like them.

I found my tribe. And they get me. And I get them.

Feeling the happiest I’ve felt in years.

Mental note – I need to write more blogs to document my process/progress.

Where I’m at.

Sorry I’ve been away for so long. I’ve been going through a bad time and have been desperately kicking those feet to keep my head above the water. Sometimes I limit what I read and look at, because I simply don’t have the emotional or physical energy and concentration has to be forced and is utterly exhausting.

Do you know, I feel like I would begin to function better, if I worked 1 week, then had 1 weeks off to process everything from the previous week, and then another 1 week off so that once I’ve done all the processing I need to do, then I will have 1 week to actually relax and do things that I enjoy.  I think that cycle would work the best for me. Never gna happen….

So, I have my diagnosis assessment on Friday. Yep. I booked these couole of days off before because I thought I would be really stressed/anxious about the impending appointment, but I’m not. Well, it’s not as simple as that. Whilst dodging and very much hopping about trying to dodge stressful situations at home, I’ve been having occasional waves of anxiety, with the fearful thoughts such as- what if I don’t get that diagnosis and instead they send the white coats. I mean, I’m not mocking mental illness here, I have mental illness (anxiety & depression) but I fear misdiagnosis. Fortunately, these fearful thoughts don’t last long, as i am calmed and reassured that I am more than confident that I have AS.

I had an epic, Britney style (I didn’t go so far as to shave my head, but the thought did enter my mind, as my long hair is such a bloody maintenance) all-day long meltdown.

A positive being I saw the GP yesterday and overcame my fear of them thinking I’m some sort of hypochondriac that diagnoses herself, and went in and told the GP that I strongly believe I have fibromyalgia and ran off a list of my symptoms, which correlate with that of fibromyalgia. She took me seriously, and has referred me to a rheumatologist. Yey! Also, she happened to find that I had an ear infection…wow.

Yeah so I’m just tired, absolutely bloody exhausted.

But I miss you guys on here so much.

Catch up soon xx