Duvets and Bears

Oh my goodness, this is so me right now, currently under my duvet on my day off. And, oh what a cold, grey, horrible day. Other than a doctor’s appt., at 11:20am, the rest of my day off will be spent under my duvet.

Autism and Expectations

It’s Monday. The sky is a wrinkled sheet of grey. The dawn chorus is chiding me for staying beneath my duvet just a little longer.

Just as I brace myself for a change in texture, from brushed cotton to cold clothing, the rain starts to patter and I falter.

Today I have made space to falter. I am slowing down. I am keeps things to a minimum.

Energy has been spent on the good sort of socialising and like a torpid, overstuffed lion, I am sated. I will metaphorically sleep off the stupor and emerge re-energised.

My social hangovers don’t hold the pressures they once did. I am not pushing myself on, so the headaches aren’t pounding in the background as I turn gears that are overheated and screeching. Instead I’m letting them idle.

Can’t think of the words right now? Not a problem, let them go, they’ll come back.

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Autism and Expectations

You don’t look autistic.

Yes I do.

You don’t act autistic though.

Yes I do.

Yeah, but you’re not like “properly” autistic.

Yes I am.

You can make eye contact.

Yes I can.

You don’t flap all the time.

I do at birds.

You flap at birds?

I flap at birds.

Why do you flap at birds?

It would be rude not to wave at them when they wave at me.

That’s a bit weird.

Is it?

But you don’t do all that proper stimming and stuff, do you? Or do you?

Every day. Most moments of every day. See this?

Looks like a tiny bead mat.

Yup. I made it, I made lots of them, for when I lose them. I get distracted easily.

Can I have a go?

Go for it.

It feels nice.

It feels essential.

Why do you do it?

I’m an addict.

But it’s not…

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I love you guys. Thank you x

I cannot begin to describe the comfort and reassurance you, fellow bloggers, have brought upon my weary, all-consuming mind.

I have been in a difficult place of late, yet your blogs, and indeed comments on my blogs have left me feeling understood, and not so alone in this complicated world.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and experiences within this somewhat safe virtual community. I cannot begin to explain or articulate just how you guys have helped me through my most turbulent couple of months – since the realisation truck struck me.

Love and peace 😘 xx