Guys, why can’t my mind rest?

Why is my mind so busy, so full of information, that i hardly have the room or capacity to move amongst that information and crazy hectic-ness? Why can i not seem to categorise and systemize it all. I very much like systemizing and in many ways I do, but why can i not order my mind? I just don’t know what to do. I am overwhelmed, and find myself in tears, a lot. I cannot think straight. When I try to think/read/study I cannot seem to take the dam information in and I cannot remember things. My memory has always been such a problem for me. Why is this???!!! It drives me insane. I used to be so smart, and quick. Not that this relates to memory I guess. I so, so, so wish I had a bloody memory for things. My bad memory makes me very angry and frustrated and it holds me back so, in so many ways, in my ultimate pursuit for further knowledge/study, dam it!

Is it simply a normal process of the realisation and acceptance of the the newly discovered AS ownership? Is it the fact that my mind is scrupulously re-hashing the little memory bank I do have of my whole life, and is busy systemizing these and ticking them off with my now new found knowledge and reasoning… Please someone advise…I am struggling…

What’s wrong with me?

20170108_221438.jpgI have so much admiration for all the wonderful bloggers out there. You all write with such clarity and sense. Why then is it my brain feels like it is jolting about at around 500 mph?! I so wish I could break things down and write about them with methodical fluidity. This state is leaving me mentally and physically exhausted. Everything’s going way too fast. Someone get me off this runaway train before it crashes into a lagoon. I’m so tired. I wish I could take two weeks off work and retreat to the silence and solitude of the forest, I feel that this would be the only solution right now.

This would and could never happen. I have responsibilities. My job. My family, in particular my 5 year old of whom is very clingy and needy of me. Bless his beautiful heart. He doesn’t leave me alone when I am home. But that has to be so, as I feel tremendous guilt that I work such long hours. I say long hours, it’s only 40 hours, but this includes shift work and sleepovers – of which I absolutely detest.

I crave silence and solitude. How selfish of me. I am a mother first.

Irritable and tired.

I swear if my husband hums or whistles one more time Krakatoa is going to erupt in me!!!!!! And now he is eating an apple, of which cannot be done quietly of course. Oh how i crave silence! How selfish of me as I am a wife and a mother. I shall just keep focus on keeping my teeth firmly clamped tight together.

Apologies for the rant. Been working long hard hours with no quiet time away from people. Absolutely shot.

Holding on for my day off on Thursday when I can get up the forest for my sanctuary.