Advice please

Hi. So, I’ve taken my first step in finally putting my needs first. I’ve overcome the angst, stress, and guilt and have called in sick (for a week initially). This is because I’ve been burning out and feel that it’s all come to a head. I’ve been having a great deal of stress at work -increasing pressure = increasing and less able to control anxiety.

So anyhow, the stress is showing in my body, to the point whereby I am on steroids for an incessant itchy skin rash and I have to cover up as my body is covered with scratches and sores from the itching.


So yeah, there we have it. I took annual leave last week and I had hoped this would be the time I needed to somehow sort myself out. But this wasn’t the case. Last week was mostly spent crying and sleeping.

So here’s where I need your advice. I have 10 days to sort myself out BEFORE I am due back in work, so please can you guys give me advice about how I start this, somewhat daunting, process. What should I do? How can I make myself better – not so exhausted, emotional, and at the end of the line type of state of mind?


I would massively appreciate your advice/guidance steps on how to sort myself out.


Sorry, I know this is a massive ask, but I am desperate and on a timescale.

A little voice inside me is saying there shouldn’t be a timescale and that I need to take the time to adjust, but I don’t know how to do this, in what ways should I be directing my thinking?

Thanks massively in advance.

Autscape 2017

Hey guys, I’m so excited, I just completed my registration form for Autscape 2017!! I’m mostly excited, but also very nervous and a little anxious. This is because to increase my likelihood of getting a ticket, I had to book to share a twin room.

This, as I’m sure you can imagine is unsettling me, because I will need quiet and alone time, and this is a problem because I am a nice person that cares deeply for others and so will feel that I have to communicate with the other person of whom I will be sharing with, so as not to offend.

OMG, what if I fart in my sleep?!!! Shit! Oh God! What have I done. Also, I could dribble in my sleep lol! I don’t think I dribble usually, but hey, anything could happen! I am also known to occasionally shout out the odd swear word in my sleep. Omg OMG!!!

Is anyone else going? I’ve heard it’s just incredible….hmmm…sharing a room…..oh GOD!

Check it out:

It would be amazing to meet some of you guys!!!! 🙂 :-/ :-{

Finding a Voice

How wonderful!

Autism and expectations

Yesterday the world changed. It was a tiny shift. A momentary slide. Barely a bubble in the wake of a wave.

Small but powerful, I’ve been knocked off my feet.

Yesterday the National Autistic Society (NAS) ran a course for Autistic people who want to do Public Speaking about Autism to help the world understand.

Sarah Hendrickx, long time Public-Speaking sufferer and blessed with autism, led the day with her hilarious and honest descriptions of the difficulties and practicalities of doing it for a living.

We laughed, we cried. Oh yes, all emotions were free to be expressed. We have those; emotions. We have lots of them.

The group of 30ish was made up mostly of autistic women, which was a first for me. Everyone brought their own experiences and knowledge.

In the breaks we gathered – if we wanted to – we laughed about how unexceptional anyone openly stimming…

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The fondness spectrum

Wow! YES! Yet again, this is me. Thank you 🙂

the silent wave

In the neurotypical world, there is generally a limited gradient in terms of the type and intensity of fondness that one person may have for another.

There is love, such as what one feels for a close family member.

There is love, such as what one feels for a partner or significant other.

There is like-a-lot, the kind that one might feel towards a good, long-time friend.

There is “just friends”, which is how one might regard other good friends who aren’t their “best” friends, but a good friend nonetheless.

There’s lukewarm-like, such as the benevolent, casual feeling one might have toward an acquaintance.

In certain situations, there’s also the infatuation/”crush” that one often develops toward someone one is attracted to.

In another type of certain situation, there’s a purely sexual attraction, in which the people find each other nice to look at and the chemistry flows between them, but…

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Transitions…Children growing-up



So, recently I have been in somewhat or a tornado of emotions and stress. I have been, when I have time to, decipher and re-organise some of my most pressing thoughts and related emotions. I just posted a blog, and thought I would post this one too, seen as though I am on a roll.

I have three children (5 year old, 13 year old, and a 16 year old) all boys. As you can imagine, as  young children, even right up till around 11/12 years of age, they would give/show me love and affection. However, my eldest, does not like cuddles (CERTAINLY NOT KISSES) and any other form of physical affection from me. He even has to be in the right kind of mood to give me a hug. Do not get me wrong, he is wonderful and very sensitive, it’s just apparently (so my husband tells me) my behaviour is “weird”. The fact that i want hugs and a kiss on the cheek, and to stare at him, admiring all his facial features, every freckle is “weird”. I hate this. It makes me very sad.

My 13 year old is also going the same way. I was very low and tearful a week or two ago and went to GP and got my Citalopram increased to 40mg. This shit, however, is real and no drug is going to change that.

I feel very fortunate that my 5 year old is a “mummy’s boy”. He loves me dearly and tells me hundreds of times how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. I do not like compliments and do not believe I am remotely pretty, but when your baby tells you this it is easier to take. He gives me lovely kisses and cuddles and when I am not working, will always be by my side. He, and the other two, but particularly the 5 year old, makes me smile and makes my heart happy.

Maybe I am abnormal for feeling this way, and being so needy in terms of affection from my babies. Or maybe its just that this is a difficult transition, and that it’s right that I give this the recognition I think it needs…hence the blog post.

Over and out ❤