5 Supports That Changed My Life

Another great blog. Very helpful. I like the look of Habitica.

Erin Human

It’s been over a year and a half now since I first began to realize I was autistic, and what originally kicked off that process of self-discovery was that the demands of ordinary life were beginning to outstrip my personal resources, and I needed to know why. I’ve since heard this described by autistic people in different ways, from “rolling burnout,” to “my workarounds were no longer working,” to Cynthia Kim’s phrase “playing life in hard mode.” I myself often described myself as being in survival mode on a daily basis, and my therapist once said that I needed to get “out of the basement level of functioning.”

When I sought a diagnosis in spring of 2015, there was some magical thinking involved in my expectations for psychological diagnosis and therapy. My goal was to go from being a flailing, falling-apart passing-as-neurotypical person to a thriving autistic person, which I…

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Autistic Regression and Fluid Adaptation

Musings of an Aspie

In my last post, I talked about my recent language difficulties and mentioned autistic regression. Sometimes called autistic burnout, autistic regression is a loss of skills or coping mechanisms.

Regression can refer to a specific set of skills or abilities:

  • progressively losing the ability to speak

  • deteriorating executive function

  • reduced memory capacity

  • loss of self-care capabilities

  • loss of social skills

  • reduced ability to tolerate sensory or social overload

It can also refer to a general loss of the ability to cope with life or to accomplish all of the necessary daily tasks of living.

Sometimes the loss is temporary–a period of a few weeks or months–after which a person regains the lost abilities. Other times the deterioration in skills or coping mechanisms takes place over years. It may be come permanent or semi-permanent, with skills being regained but not to the level at which they previously existed.

Often a period…

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Different Language

Yes, Yes, YES!!!

Finally Knowing Me: An Autistic Life

08-2016-12-09-18-36-23Some of these blog posts are difficult to write. Some are emotionally draining and massively triggering – I’m working on one at the moment that I’m going to have to do paragraph by paragraph because it’s so tough, but I’ll get there in the end, and it’s a post that needs to be written, so I shall persist. Some are about things I want to say and the thoughts are all in my head in concept form but my words aren’t always in a great place so it takes a lot of effort to translate them into readable format.

Some, like this one, are difficult because I’m working at the very limits of my knowledge about a subject that I only started studying a few months ago and I’m still trying to work out what everything means and to construct my own verbal definitions of concepts that I instantly recognised…

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Running away.

So, for the second weekend running, I have run away with my campervan to my haven, the beach.

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Stress was running high, what with the unfortunate timing (sarcasm) of my break down and the stress of me and financial matters made my (former support) husband crack. So screw him, I upped and left in a torrent of swear words and fury and drove off into the dusk of the night sky, in my trusty VW campervan.

Yesterday was a very bad day. I have been having the occasional good days, whereby I get up and actually do housework for a maximum of an hour. An hour is exhausting, I kid you not, because I simply cannot just do a hash job. If I’m going to hoover/mop, everything will be pulled out and a thorough job will be executed. And when I am in the midst of the cleaning flurry, I then (as I always do with everything in life) notice something else that needs doing and start to clean with one hand, as my other hand finishes the mopping. And then I get a lecture (well meaning I guess, but in my current state of mind, bloody annoying and patronising, and I feel like screaming “You can preach like you’re a self-help book, BUT actually you have NO idea!!!!) A lecture around the fact that he’s surprised that I’m sweating and so out of breath and that all this ‘resting’ is not good for me and I’m getting unconditioned ?!?!?! WTF! But do you know What? I’m just too tired to get into any of it as I’ve already got too much s#@t going on.

So Yeah, this is where I’m at right now.

Over and out.

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#breakdown #autisticburnout

Self-Loathing

Self-loathing that is so deep rooted from ones past. Ones natural default. What could possibly change this deep rooted way of thinking? CBT? Wonderful poem That resonates, thanks.

Cocoons Can be Comfy

Not my best poetry, but I don’t think we will get there today. Yes, yes, I am pretty tough on myself. But, then, look at the title. 😏 Still processing.

I am prone to

Processing for days.

I look at things from every single

Possible angle.

Except maybe the most positive one.

That one I simply cannot sink back on

Or believe to ever really be true.

Welcoming arms so often seem to

Wield a knife behind my back

Or faces melting with all sorts of pity

Over my shoulder.

An inclusion is obligatory,

Rarely genuine.

I know it sounds ugly,

Untrusting,

Unkind…

Perhaps even a bit contrary to the

Compassion I have brimming hopefully

Inside…

But, it is like where I think others

Deserve such as love,

There is no way to ever expect the

Same to be extended to me…

Oh, I know self-loathing is unproductive,

Rooted deep…

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I’m back

Hi all,

Hope you are all doing ok? I’m going to start going through all the backlog of posts I have missed.

So the #burnout came and it hit me hard, real hard. Im starting to work through it and now I feel able to reflectively process it all, little by little, snippet by snippet, maybe not everyday, but 2-3 times per week (activity/stress dependent).

 

Its crazy the effects a burnout has physiologically. From the incessant itchy skin rash to the shaking hands and near constant anxiety, near constant neck twinges, and burning patches on my face. All that and the rollercoaster of emotions and complete and utter exhaustion. For a whole week or so all I could do to cope was to sleep through it.

I’ve been off work for one month, as it was work that made me crash and burn so bad. It had been building for a long time (1 year, 5 months) of the work stress and then from about November 2016 up until the current day, dealing with the whole ASD realisation/identity alignment process.

You guys are my therapy, and it’s very important for me to return and use this forum to aid my healing, i guess. Is it healing? Yes, i guess so. I dont know, not really that capable, just yet, of thinking deeper than a basic sentence. Everything is exhausting me.  I liken it to having to re-build myself. Whilst at the same time, not really having that mich control over the amount of time this will take, due to the exhaustion and overload at the slightest.

On a positive note, I have finally received my diagnosis assessment date!! It is 04th August and it is with none other than Dr Judith Gould, NAS Lorna Wing Centre.

 

Advice please

Hi. So, I’ve taken my first step in finally putting my needs first. I’ve overcome the angst, stress, and guilt and have called in sick (for a week initially). This is because I’ve been burning out and feel that it’s all come to a head. I’ve been having a great deal of stress at work -increasing pressure = increasing and less able to control anxiety.

So anyhow, the stress is showing in my body, to the point whereby I am on steroids for an incessant itchy skin rash and I have to cover up as my body is covered with scratches and sores from the itching.

 

So yeah, there we have it. I took annual leave last week and I had hoped this would be the time I needed to somehow sort myself out. But this wasn’t the case. Last week was mostly spent crying and sleeping.

So here’s where I need your advice. I have 10 days to sort myself out BEFORE I am due back in work, so please can you guys give me advice about how I start this, somewhat daunting, process. What should I do? How can I make myself better – not so exhausted, emotional, and at the end of the line type of state of mind?

 

I would massively appreciate your advice/guidance steps on how to sort myself out.

 

Sorry, I know this is a massive ask, but I am desperate and on a timescale.

A little voice inside me is saying there shouldn’t be a timescale and that I need to take the time to adjust, but I don’t know how to do this, in what ways should I be directing my thinking?

Thanks massively in advance.