So, for the second weekend running, I have run away with my campervan to my haven, the beach.
Stress was running high, what with the unfortunate timing (sarcasm) of my break down and the stress of me and financial matters made my (former support) husband crack. So screw him, I upped and left in a torrent of swear words and fury and drove off into the dusk of the night sky, in my trusty VW campervan.
Yesterday was a very bad day. I have been having the occasional good days, whereby I get up and actually do housework for a maximum of an hour. An hour is exhausting, I kid you not, because I simply cannot just do a hash job. If I’m going to hoover/mop, everything will be pulled out and a thorough job will be executed. And when I am in the midst of the cleaning flurry, I then (as I always do with everything in life) notice something else that needs doing and start to clean with one hand, as my other hand finishes the mopping. And then I get a lecture (well meaning I guess, but in my current state of mind, bloody annoying and patronising, and I feel like screaming “You can preach like you’re a self-help book, BUT actually you have NO idea!!!!) A lecture around the fact that he’s surprised that I’m sweating and so out of breath and that all this ‘resting’ is not good for me and I’m getting unconditioned ?!?!?! WTF! But do you know What? I’m just too tired to get into any of it as I’ve already got too much s#@t going on.
So Yeah, this is where I’m at right now.
Over and out.
Hope you are all doing ok? I’m going to start going through all the backlog of posts I have missed.
So the #burnout came and it hit me hard, real hard. Im starting to work through it and now I feel able to reflectively process it all, little by little, snippet by snippet, maybe not everyday, but 2-3 times per week (activity/stress dependent).
Its crazy the effects a burnout has physiologically. From the incessant itchy skin rash to the shaking hands and near constant anxiety, near constant neck twinges, and burning patches on my face. All that and the rollercoaster of emotions and complete and utter exhaustion. For a whole week or so all I could do to cope was to sleep through it.
I’ve been off work for one month, as it was work that made me crash and burn so bad. It had been building for a long time (1 year, 5 months) of the work stress and then from about November 2016 up until the current day, dealing with the whole ASD realisation/identity alignment process.
You guys are my therapy, and it’s very important for me to return and use this forum to aid my healing, i guess. Is it healing? Yes, i guess so. I dont know, not really that capable, just yet, of thinking deeper than a basic sentence. Everything is exhausting me. I liken it to having to re-build myself. Whilst at the same time, not really having that mich control over the amount of time this will take, due to the exhaustion and overload at the slightest.
On a positive note, I have finally received my diagnosis assessment date!! It is 04th August and it is with none other than Dr Judith Gould, NAS Lorna Wing Centre.
Hi. So, I’ve taken my first step in finally putting my needs first. I’ve overcome the angst, stress, and guilt and have called in sick (for a week initially). This is because I’ve been burning out and feel that it’s all come to a head. I’ve been having a great deal of stress at work -increasing pressure = increasing and less able to control anxiety.
So anyhow, the stress is showing in my body, to the point whereby I am on steroids for an incessant itchy skin rash and I have to cover up as my body is covered with scratches and sores from the itching.
So yeah, there we have it. I took annual leave last week and I had hoped this would be the time I needed to somehow sort myself out. But this wasn’t the case. Last week was mostly spent crying and sleeping.
So here’s where I need your advice. I have 10 days to sort myself out BEFORE I am due back in work, so please can you guys give me advice about how I start this, somewhat daunting, process. What should I do? How can I make myself better – not so exhausted, emotional, and at the end of the line type of state of mind?
I would massively appreciate your advice/guidance steps on how to sort myself out.
Sorry, I know this is a massive ask, but I am desperate and on a timescale.
A little voice inside me is saying there shouldn’t be a timescale and that I need to take the time to adjust, but I don’t know how to do this, in what ways should I be directing my thinking?
Thanks massively in advance.